A "Second" Something

Lately I have not enjoyed painting. My half finished projects have stared at me mockingly like a senior jock taunting a freshman klutz who is trying out for the football team. They look down at me quizzically wondering how I will attempt to ruin them next. The pressure to create a sophisticated and professional portfolio dried up my creativity faster than a tube of paint left open. So I took away the pressure. Deadlines have their purposes, but in my world I would rather create because I wanted to and not because it was expected of me. I tend to like the results much more when I work that way. Art classes are the one exception because the number of artists in the room inspiring creativity some how out balance the stress of the deadlines.

With all this in mind, I was lying awake last night stressing about a million different things. I got out of bed for... I forget what... but this lovely long half finished canvas caught my eye. I had decided to paint over this canvas' current painting a week ago and had an idea, but the pressure to create had held me back. This time, however, the canvas took a hold of me. PJs and all I got up, grabbed the canvas, leaned it against my easel (rather than formally putting on the easel) and sat on the floor. This more intimate setting freed my creative juices and I began to paint. While I do not consider it a master piece by any means, it was so much fun and very freeing to create. I hung it up, the paint still a bit tacky, in my hall wall right outside my front door so that when I come home I can smile at the burst of inquisitive color.

I have called it "Second" because it is my second wind. It is also the second chance for this canvas and it's not perfect, so it's a second. I like second. I am okay with not having every dot dabbed on perfectly. I like being a bit free and finding a mistake here and there. It makes me feel more human and part of this over all imperfect world; like I belong here.

Second, acrylic, 12x36 (I think it)